I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
