She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The best revenge is premature balding
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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