he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
But theres a keg here and me gusta
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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