remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
