i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
