Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
