you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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