Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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