a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
True strength comes from lack of pants
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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