My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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