1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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