Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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