We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
