and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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