Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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