Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
