Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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