Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
