i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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