he wants to bone in the snuggie
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
do herpes really smell.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
