i don't plan on having that self control this summer
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i think im in europe. pls send help
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