toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
