Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
