When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
