She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
