It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize