how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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