I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
