I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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