and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
