you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
