38 yer olds are good kisserssss
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
