Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
