Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
