I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
