mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
