final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
