I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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