i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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