she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
