My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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