hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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