I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
