I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
