discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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