Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
