3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
