so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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