The maid of honor just puked.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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