they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
