Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I want to be your penis for a week.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
