I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
