I'm going to jail i love you
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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