you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
