she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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