I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
