are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
