got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
