so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
