What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
meet me or not, i'm out of control
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
