Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
