This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
