therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
