i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
