is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
