Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
