Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize