We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
