WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
