Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
This toilet bowl is my home.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
