Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
